Heels were made for a lady who was kissed on the forehead. #BikoZulu

Well, last week Parklands Campus (UoN, of course- is there any other?) was holding its annual KLSS Cultural Week. Being an instrumental part of the team that managed to feel the flames of hell in order to hold a landmark campus tradition in parkie, I must say that I am a little disappointed. Not because of the organization, that one was perfect. Kudos to the organizing committee by the way. These people are worth their weight in gold for pulling it off. I am not disappointed because of the attendance or the outcome either. I am disappointed with the people of my campus. Okay, some people.

Earlier this year, I asked to be accorded the opportunity to be part of student leadership in Parklands Campus, amidst grandiose promises of change. But then the truth is, change has its price. A price that is seemingly too high to pay. A price that many people were willing to pay when they voted in the current crop of KLSS leaders into office. And so I, together with a dedicated team of professionals set forth to make good our promises of change. All went well until last week when we decided to change from the norm.

Sponsors took as on a wild goose chase and abandoned us at the last minute. SONU, to which regular students pay five hundred shillings and module II students pay one thousand shillings- money which is supposedly meant for the students’ welfare and activities- spread us out in the sun to dry. They barely even had a look at our proposal. Never mind the fact that they held a bash at a club in town, claiming that it was the inaugural pre-Mr & Miss Parklands bash. So for all its worth, they undertook to hold a bash in our name, but could not afford to fund the pageant. So essentially, in their heads, it was okay to hold a pre-pageant party, yet the prospects for the pageant itself taking place was wavering! By the time we woke up and smelt the coffee, it was already noon, and all we had was the meager stipend that we had from the College of Humanities and Social Sciences account.

So what other option was there left, other than to ask the students themselves to dig a little bit into their pockets and part with just a hundred shillings? It was their event after all, wasn’t it? What is so wrong about asking students to help fund their own event? That is where the party began to lose form. That was the cue for long forgotten politicians to realize their voices again. And they went ahead, huffing and puffing armed with the logic that they should not be forced to pay for an event that has already been funded by the university. They did not forget also to state the amount. They made a lot of sense- in their heads. True, we received money. But that is where there sense ended. The rest was a nauseating load of old bollocks nonsense.
See, in this school, it is all good to be an advocate of transparency, as long as the kitchen cabinet gets their cut. Otherwise, you will have to advertise your budgetary allocations and expenditure on Facebook.

Look at it this way. Last year, and the year before that, and perhaps all the way back to the invention of break-dancing, KLSS Cultural Week has always been about the final showdown- The Mr. & Miss Parklands beauty pageant. The rest of the week was simply passed over- unnoticed like a Jewish holiday. Nobody really gave a flying fish whether or not the charity work was one on Sunday, legal aid offered on Tuesday, Christian Night held on Wednesday. Clubs fair and Sports were simply another listing on a budget to fatten a proposal, whose money never saw the light of day. And even during the pageant, models were forced to walk on tables. No proper lighting, no good DJ. Nothing. Oh, and did I forget to mention that above all that, students were still forced to pay fifty shillings entry fee? No?
KLSS, despite being the only student organization in UoN that is duly registered by the Registrar of Societies, is as broke as a joke. When we took over, the account was as clean as a virgin’s honey pot. SONU on the other hand, runs an account of 30 million (Kenya Shillings for that matter), or something in that neighborhood. But since national elections will be history by the time the next SONU elections are held, its account has become a goldmine from which the vultures hoard as much as they can to save for re-election next year.
So who was the enemy here, folks?

On the material day (I am pissed off, so pardon the cliché) we were abandoned by all the powers that be- including God. It so happened that the DJ crew was in too much of a hurry and forgot to bring along their microphones and PA cable. Forcing two members of the organizing committee to seek for help where we have all been accustomed to turn to when everything goes awry, the church. What would Jesus do? Shock (joke) on them when they were reminded that the beauty pageant event was a congregation of sinners in which sinful activities (modeling and drinking) took place. The man of God could not bring himself to commit such blasphemy as to lend us a microphone or cable. That it would irrecoverably break God’s heart, if sinners used microphones meant to spread the Good News.
So why get a hernia over the truth- that church is place where those who have not yet been to heaven brag all about it to those who will never get there.

Pardon me if I am wrong, but didn’t Jesus turned water into wine, let prostitutes wash and kiss his feet, saved another one from being stoned, and dined with the outcasts? Never mind that some of the saved ones were selling tickets to the sinful event. Never mind that the same sinners willingly contribute to take them for missions in corners of the world where God’s grace is still on its way. Never mind that the UoN Parklands Campus Christian Union is an affiliate of Kenya Law Students Society with full voting rights. Never mind Romans 3:23. Pay no attention to 2 Corinthians 9:7- And here I was thinking that God loves a cheerful giver!

Moreover, the very same ones that denied us the same equipment; hold Sunday Church services in the very same hall that is used by sinners for the oh so sinful activities. So if the point is to absolve completely from sin, then why not go pray in Jerusalem? But then again that would still not be holy ground enough because the Muslims have long since perverted it with their filthiness, so why not try River Jordan where Jesus was baptized?

So the event that was meant to start at 7pm kicked off at 10pm, because we had to dispatch two people in search of the two little devils. One went to Eastleigh to get a microphone, and the other to Thika Road to get a cable for the PA.

Thank God sinners eventually had their night. The best in the history of KLSS. Complete with three mics and an awesome PA system.

For photos of the glamorous event, look for Gachie– the man, not the place.

PS: Special thanks to TNA for coming through in the last minute. But I am sorry; my gratitude is all I can give. For my vote, you will have do a little bit more than a few brown notes.


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  1. Pingback: This Is How Else You Could Lose Her [part 4]

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