You can tell a lot about a man by borrowing his car. Driving his stick. Revving his transmission. Ahem.

His Package

You don’t even need to open the door, to get the first taster. Is the car knocked about, scrapes, dents, a side mirror dangling by electrical tape? If his car is completely banged up, be wary. This is potentially a man with an aggressive nature who doesn’t give a shit; the sort of man who dives into his meat before washing his hands, chucking bones on the table, and sucking marrow through the gap between his teeth, loudly capped off with a proud burp, and an order to wash his hands. There is something to be said for enthusiasm, and most women enjoy some moderate tossing about, but there are times when a woman appreciates a man who takes his time, who savours and lingers and can clean the bones with the sheer dexterity of the tools God gave him.

Is he Dirrry?

His car is an external reflection of who he is. The sort of care he takes of his ultimate man-machine will give you hints about the sort of care he will take care of most things in his life, including you, and your needs. The only time a filthy car is acceptable, is following a whirlwind adventure through the bush, especially if it is a spontaneous one. An adventurous man is sexy, especially if it extends to the bedroom. On the other hand, if you can literally see your smile lines in the reflection of the car, run a mile. The man whose car is consistently polished pristinely may be a closet obsessive. This is the sort of man who will tear your clothes off then, and then interrupt to insist you fold your undergarments and put them away in a designated spot in the room, before anything continues.

if you can literally see your smile lines in the reflection of the car, run a mile. The man whose car is consistently polished pristinely may be a closet obsessive.

 What about his Stick?

There is something very sexy about a man clutching a gear stick, with his vein on his forearm sticking out, as he thrusts the shaft, the car sliding into submission. Supposedly every woman wants a sensitive man, but there is something irresistible about a man who dominates, controls, take charges, sweeps aside the papers and throws you on the desk to have his wicked way with you. A man who drives a stick shift conjures up those sorts of images.

Once Inside

A man with a fully kitted toolbox inspires great confidence. This is a man a dependable man who is prepared, and respects the beast and land. One hopes that he enters the bedroom with the same level of respect. If he has a map he is likely to be a man who traverses beyond the boundaries of the norm – an explorer, a man who journeys, a man with an appetite for discovery. Yum.

Beware the car with silly embellishments, effeminate steering wheel covers or dangly things. This is not his car. He has borrowed it from his girlfriend/wife – run a mile.

Ladies beware about fishing in the glove compartment. You will find things you may NOT want to see! A man’s glove compartment is the Pandora’s box, the equivalent of a ladies underwear drawer. There are some things once seen, can never be unseen. I asked around to find out what some of the strangest things friends had ever found in a man’s car – a feather boa, a  bedazzled ballet shoe, two goats, a handcuffed man in the backseat, a vaginal speculum, someone else’s bra. Don’t judge me by my friends.

Finally, once you have turned the ignition, how does it start up? This is the final clue. How has his car been treated? Does it sigh with contentment, or irritably jerk and grunt. After all ladies, we all want a man that will also make you purr with pleasure.

© Aleya Kassam

Facebook: Aleya Kassam
Twitter: Aleya Kassam
Blog: Chanyado

Also read: “Navigating Car Stereotypes

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Desi Kenyan. Reading Revolutionary. Distracted by pretty trees & birds. Reader. Writer. Storyteller. Performer. Feminist

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