For Slugs Who Throw Salt

So she is skinny. She looks unpalatable to the ‘African’ eye; some would even go as far as to say she is sickly. Her teeth are spilling just a little bit from her mouth. In all honesty, compared to Miss World Tanzania, Kenya has sold herself a tad too short this time. However, these people who keep on throwing jabs at the newly crowned Miss World Kenya should first of all look into a mirror and justify themselves as worthy of cutting Miss Wangui under her feet. You know, slugs are not allowed to throw salt. I mean, where does one get the right to pick on someone’s looks when that person would make a dude (old enough to legally drink beer) wet his pants at first sight? In any case, those of you who claim that Miss Wangui does not fit the bill to stage on the world runway in Indonesia next year, what exactly do you know about what it takes to be Miss World?

The social media platforms have been awash lately by the crowning of Kenya’s new face. The lady, 23 and a linguist from the German School did not know what fortunes had in store for her when she took her sister to audition. She did not even think that she could be Miss World Kenya until she was otherwise convinced by people to audition, only to come out ahead of the rest. So while some jealous tweepeople and Facebookers whack-jobs engage in an online outrage about her choice, she is sitting pretty at home with a whooping one million shillings, an upcoming fully paid trip to Indonesia for the world contest and the one thing that would make a girl hot in her panties; a year subscription at Ashleys. Girls love their hair.

I managed to go through some of the venom going round and stumbled upon a foreboding realization. Most of the haters were fellow women; women hiding behind the cover of celebrity photos as their avis and profile pictures. That thing about women being their own worst enemies holds a poop-load of water. I would excuse the handful of men complaining about her depraved pulchritude. They are men; most of them do not know the first thing about the difference between a beauty pageant and a fashion show.

But ladies! You should know that to win the Miss World title, a fair face will only take you so far. Character, accomplishments and talent are also required in that bag of tricks. Otherwise, how else could you explain the triumph of the China’s candidate over all those South American swans? To dab Wangui an ugly duckling would be stretching the truth beyond its elastic point. She is alright. Last year we sent a sinfully gorgeous temptress with more aesthetic blessings than should be humanly permissible; but how did that go? The beauty queen couldn’t kick a ball for her life, had no talent other than painting fingers, and barely made it past the ‘she looks fine’ stage.

Let Miss Wangui do her thing. I am positive she will do better, but if she doesn’t, I am sure it will have nothing to do with her weight or teeth formation.