I had not even realized it until one of my boys pointed it out to me – that I always dated older. Not crazy older, one to three years older, and so when he asked me “what’s up with that?” I did not know what to say. There was nothing up with anything – it is what was what it was. But that is not the range of difference that I wanted to talk about today – I wanted us to talk about what it is like for us guys in our twenties to be with the more senior citizens in society. Ladies who are ten to fifteen years older. I’ve had my fair share of experience with ladies in that age bracket, and so have many of my agemates – they just won’t talk about it.
The thing about dating an older woman is that people assume she is your sponsor/blesser/sugar mummy or whatever it is they are called these days. And that is why most guys will always be shy about saying it – people assume that you are a kept boy. Someone’s sex toy. The only thing further from the truth is the colour of Balala’s hair.
This is not always about money. Power to those who dated older for nothing else other than the fiduciary implications. But you know what? Being older does not necessarily come with having money to throw around. People do not get to 35 and all of a sudden qualify for benefits from the government. If anything, they probably have more responsibilities to take care of – a child from a previous engagement, a business they are trying to bring up in this economy, a house they are building – whatever.
And so the first rule of dating older is this – forget about money. Do not ask for it, and if one day they send you something, send it back unless it was previously agreed. They can buy you a drink or take you on dates, but hard cash is a hard sell.
You will get a wide variety of women in that space. Most common is the divorced or separated kind who are loving the woman they are becoming and putting themselves first. There is the one who – for whatever reason – never really got married or had kids, and is always seeking a new thrill. There will be the single mom with a katoi who will start calling you uncle and then it starts feeling weird. And then there is the married one – who walked out of that marriage in her heart and mind a long time ago, but still stays in that institution.
Rule number two – stay away from the married ones if you can. Too risky. First, this one will take you on a wild ride and then one day she will stop picking your calls or responding to your texts. When she finally does, it will be to say I just don’t want to be entangled anymore. You were a placeholder as she sorted things with her husband. You know, the way when you take your car to the mech and they give you a spare one to use while they sort out yours? Just like that.
Second, and more importantly, you’d be surprised at how cheap a bullet goes for in this Nairobi. One day you will take her dancing, and the next thing you know, those Ghanaian funeral dancers are performing at your wake. But with every risky situation, comes a rush, a thrill. I hope it is worth it for you.
There are so many misconceptions about dating older women. Yet that is probably one of the best things you can ever do for yourself. They have a certain clarity about them – having lived longer they know things. They won’t throw a tantrum because you canceled a date. They won’t go online to write a twitter thread on you just because you forgot a birthday. And the sex – well, let’s just say seasoned food always tastes better for a reason.
Listen, if you are a young single guy in Nairobi then perhaps you need to expand your horizons a little bit. Stretch your pallet. Ask a 40-year-old lady out. Her life just began, after all, and yours is at its best. What is the worst that could happen?