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    1. Wondering what the hell you should do with that degree you studied but never really pursued.
      The Magunga
    2. The best of stories come to you when you are in the shower, but disappear the moment you step out.
      The Magunga

    3. Googling shit in a hurry when major global news break so that you can also sound like an expert on geopolitics.
      #BREXIT  #GOPConvention

    4. Moving from Blogger to WordPress to a domain, only to find out that you need to be a computer wizard to understand how to run a self hosted website.
      The Magunga

    5. Receiving news that your website has crashed. AGAIN.
      “Error 404. Website cannot be reached. Check DNS.”
      The Magunga

    6. People assume you have a lot of free time to run their errands, because you do not have a “real” job after all.
      The Magunga
    7. Deciding whether or not calls that come in at 7am are worth answering.
      Your working hours are between 9.30am and 3.30am.
      The Magunga

    8. Enduring people who keep on asking you not to write about them, and yet they are as interesting as an Athlete’s Foot.
      The Magunga

    9. Trying to explain to your friends and family that they will always be material for your work, however much they curse up a storm about it.
      The Magunga

    10. Your friend is telling you a horrible experience and in your head you are like, “Damn! That makes for a very good blogpost. I wonder how many hits it will get. Do you think she will let me write about it? Doesn’t matter. I will just change her name from Rose to Kimberly.”
      The Magunga

    11. Running out of things to write about, because terrible things have stopped happening to people you know.
      The Magunga

    12. Family and Friends asking you to do free and outrageous jobs.
      “Si you are a writer? Si you write for me my Dissertation. Words are your thing, right?”
      The Magunga
    13. When you have been waiting for a cheque for so long and then you receive an email from client. You light up with joy, only for him to say that you invoiced badly. 
      “Oh really? And you just found out after three months?”
      The Magunga

    14. Holding yourself back from explaining to your friends that your life is not as glamorous as it may appear on social media.
      14 - Wolf of wallstreet
      14 wolf wallstreet

    15. Being introduced as a Journalist by your mother because she is either;
      a) ashamed of saying you went through 6 years if Medical School only to end up as a blogger, or
      b) she has no clue what bloggers do other than insult the government.

      The Magunga

    16. People think you are an enemy of the state when you are just a foodie or fashionista.
      “Where are you? Umeona Alai ameshikwa tena?”
      The Magunga

    17. Client calling you in for a face to face a meeting that should have been an email, or better yet, a phone call.
      The Magunga
    18. Being paid with lunch or breakfast or free tickets to events.
      The Magunga

    19. Dealing with clients that ask, “Why do I have to pay you that much for something that will take you 10 minutes to write?”
      The Magunga

    20. Being broke when you have money. Your bank balance says, KES. 1000 bob and yet you are waiting for overdue cheques worth four months rent.
      The Magunga

    21. Local newspapers and magazines asking you to write for them in exchange for ‘exposure’.
      “Excuse me, are you Mail & Guardian or The NewYorker? If not, expose me to money.”
      The Magunga
    22. Plagiarism. All of a sudden, some website with a horrible name and faceless accounts is running your stories without credit/permission, and putting Google ads all over it.
      The Magunga
    23. Finding out that someone else was paid more and yet you did the same amount of work. 
      The Magunga

    24. Accepting shit pay for work because you know if you refuse, then some other blogger will accept it. Also, you kinda need to the money.
      The Magunga

    25. Added to ALL WhatsApp Groups for creatives who do not sleep, so you wake up to 3000 messages.
      The Magunga

    26. Trying to understand what the hell was happening at BAKE, with all those anonymous messages about money being stolen.
      “Umesikia nanii anajenga apartments Kileleshwa?”
      The Magunga

    27. Not being nominated for BAKE or SoMA after rallying your entire clan to nominate you.
      The Magunga

    28. Losing at BAKE Awards three times in a row.
      The Magunga

    29. Losing BAKE Awards three times in a row to the same blogger.
      The Magunga

    30. Being nominated again for BAKE Awards after losing three times in a row to the same blogger.
      The Magunga

    31. Attending a corporate event at night for the free food.
      The Magunga

    32. Having no money to cab back home from a corporate event that ended at midnight, and the javs to your hood have stopped operating.
      The Magunga

    33. Losing your phone on the way to an event you are meant to be live tweeting.
      The Magunga

    34. Your phone running out of charge in the middle of live tweeting an event and nobody wants to share their power bank.
      The Magunga

    35. Trying to figure out which god ‘so-and-so’ is praying to that they keep getting all the gigs in town.
      The Magunga

    36. Making burnt sacrifices every daybreak to appease the gods, so that a corporate you have been eyeing accepts your proposal.
      The Magunga

    37. Constantly checking your WordPress stats to see how many more people have read your latest post since you checked 3 minutes ago.
      The Magunga

    38. Checking WordPress analytics and wondering how the heavens a person from Trinidad and Tobago found your blog.
      The Magunga

    39. Typing an article furiously twenty minutes to your deadline.
      The Magunga

    40. Being constantly interrupted by your accountant girlfriend when writing a story just as the mojo struck.
      The Magunga

    41. Fending off comments by readers who get annoyed at Sponsored Posts.
      The Magunga

    42. Fending off comments by readers who decide to lynch your guest writers just because their styles are different.
      The Magunga

    43. Waiting for that horde of Tweeps and commenters who you know are going to come at you, the moment you post a controversial post.
      The Magunga

    44. Watching people react to your articles after reading the title only.
      The Magunga

    45. Listening to people asking Owaahh  where he finds sources for his stories, and deep down you know exactly what is going through his mind. 

    46. Frustrating messages from readers who keep asking, “When are you posting the next story?” Meanwhile, you are nursing a writers block.
      The Magunga
    47. Avoiding questions like, “Enhe, so what happened after that? Is there a Part 2?”
      The Magunga

    48. Dealing with people who keep asking you to write a book, and yet they are always the first ones to share their emails on Facebook threads, so that someone can send them free PDF copies of Chimamanda’s books.
      The Magunga

    49. When that simpleton decides to pick a fight with you online, not knowing the kind of weapons you have in your arsenal.
      The Magunga

    50. When you start a war on Twitter with another country, but then KOT have not yet found out, and so you are alone, holding the line as you await for the squad/reinforcement  to arrive.
      “I am not much of a social media comic. Apologies for what you are about to see.”
      #SomeoneTellUganda #SomeoneTellCNN #SomeoneTellNigeria

    51. Secretly resenting that blogger you love so much who has refused to follow you back on Twitter.
      The Magunga

    52. Trying to understand why neither CocaCola and Weetabix has ever sent you a box of cereal/can of soda with your name like they did for Ian Arunga.
      “I am not even hurt”

      The Magunga
    53. Hiding your feelings from your internet crush because the moment she gets married, the internet will lose its wits and you will become a trend.
      The Magunga

    54. Wondering what tragedy befell the writers behind Ink Drops, SoulFood, and Media Madness…that they stopped posting.
      The Magunga
    55. Listening to old bloggers go on and on during meetings about how Twitter used to be like back in the day, as if they are the ones who invented it.
      “Here we go again with Twitter A this, Twitter A that…..A for ANNOYING”
      The Magunga

    56. Blackout from Kenya Power. To be fair this annoys the whole world.
      The Magunga

    57. Missing out on a trending topic because these days Zuku internet is as reliable as a government report.
      The Magunga

    58. Trying to understand what Safaricom ever did to Cyprian Nyakundi.
      The Magunga

    59. Watching cellphone brands give other bloggers new, snazzy gizmos every month, yet you are still stuck with your Kaduda 2.0.
      The Magunga

    60. Finding the right words to pray for people who bitch about 8-to-5 employment; talmbout how they want to quit to join the freelancing world because apparently, it is less hectic.
      The Magunga
      *THE END*

    Cartoon illustrations by Bwana Mdogo

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    I came here first and l read it all.


    a writers block or not, can’t wait fr ur stories. plus the other blogger u’ve lost to 3times


    Free lunch and tickets? How generous of the corporates! I now understand it’s not always peaches and cream..great piece.


    Constantly checking your WordPress stats to see how many more people have read your latest post since you checked 3 minutes ago.

    This one is the TRUTH


    Hilarious read. And so on point!


    Wow! Falling in love blog after blog…..


    Magunga, I am guilty of causing travail 46 and 47 a number of times. I am sure that unlike you, bloggers who make us (well, not really make us-make us, but you know, make us) read their work like we are reading a dentist’s report, do not thus travail. Be happy that we ask for a part 2 and a part 3 because it means you did a great job.


    “Can you write me a song, love poem, essay etc by morrow….”

    Then after you do that they poke holes in your work…not everyday is Christmas.

    This is so on point.


    61. First commenters

    Odhiambo Ouma Snr.

    Receiving that elusive cheque on mid-month and all your buddies are like “Buda its been a while,si we go bless the work of your hands this weekend, kuna mkongo mpya ameletwa Samba”. Na hiyo time you have budgeted for a three month rent and a camp at Ololua with miss world… #FreelanceTillDeath


    Magunga shida ni i personally love both you and that other blogger you have lost BAKE awards to three years in a row so voting is such a headache i always feel like i’m cheating on one of you with the other


    This is so so hilarious! I can totally relate. Especially that part of checking your WordPress Analytics and seeing countries like Mali and you are like, how did you get here?! And your own people from Nigeria are not even showing face.
    Nice post, Magunga!


    I saw Biko saying he doesn’t check stats and I was like “Damn! Life is so good when you make it!”


    I second you. 37, 38 and 46 Be so true.


    Absolutely relevant, two years later. Timeless.

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