For Your Own Protection

It is easy to spot the new kids on the campus block- the first years. There is this way that leave a strong reek of fear of a Deputy Principal with a wagging cane on their backs. They walk with a cloud of fear and naivety that make them stick out from a crowd like a sore thumb. If I could get into their heads, I would probably hear their conscience dissuading them from talking to the opposite sex, because their parents filled them with the idea that campus is Sodom. Girls are warned not to spread open any part of their bodies to anyone, except their arms for the Good Lord above. Boys are fore-cautioned to keep as far away from girls as honour from a politician.

Nothing could be further from the truth. My mother was no exception, though she added a different twist to her cautionary tales by handing me a packet of condoms on my day of admission. Which was rather off beat because she is the same person who taught me the lessons of celibacy till marriage. Of course, I rejected the packet of latex, only to check into my room to that the custodians had stashed my drawer with a handful of government subsidized condoms. There was no running away from it.

And so the other day when the Principal of our College addressed the new kids on the block about sexual abstinence, I couldn’t help but snicker at the duplicity and pretence in his soliloquy. He took up the role of dad and schooled the kiddos on the importance of abstinence, and from the look upon some of the faces, I could spot confusion from those who checked in only to find greeting cards in the form of packets of condoms in their drawers. I could see them asking what they are supposed to do with them. Blow them up and decorate their rooms withal?

Sex is real kids, and it is a beautiful experience. I need not delve any further. However you must understand that when my mother handed me that packet of condom, she wasn’t handing me a license to engage in hanky panky business. She was handing me protection.

So guys, no matter the close resemblance she has to Huddah Monroe, just remember that in her is not just the illusion that Addis Ababa in a country, but also the potential of a venereal disease. Ladies, take heed to the words of Georgia Me; no matter how good it feels to have it raw, just remember that there is a new law. No glove, no love. No hat, no cat. No banana with a peel, no monkey you should feed.

Don’t strap up just for your mother, but for your own protection.