Praise the Lord crazy people. God is good, all the time.

OK, now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about holy noise. See, for the earlier part of last year, I was all for the cloth. I performed spoken word in praise of the creator and spelled His name with a capital ‘G’. I was saved; up until I realized that the pleasures of this world presented a much stronger case.

Since then I have never been keen on saying my prayers or attending church services. These days I do not acknowledge any concept that brings a man to his knees. Be it a deity, a monarch or a woman. God and I have this long distant relationship that I remember just before sitting for exams.

Every day, however, at noon and midnight, the hopefuls of the Pearly Gates engage in prayer. Prayer is communication with God, but do these guys really have to shout?

In fear of being labelled persecutors of the faith, we look the other way every time someone steps on our balls in the name of God. Like how Jehovah witnesses insist on invading our privacy however they damn please. How Islamic extremists are more than happy to pull a trigger up your nostrils. We frown whenever Polo Piach (Heaven Direct!) or No Miya (I Was Given) fanatics beat them drums on our faces with pleasure, but we don’t scoff. We understand. If you so much as shake your head at Wakorino’s  eccentricities, they will lay hands on you and say “Forgive them Fafa, for they do not know what they’re doing.”

With the same fear of raising Valhalla, we shrug our shoulders and pull over our duvets whenever the men of God are praying in school. These people (my opinion) do not talk to God, they talk at Him. But who am I to meddle in the Lord’s affairs? Me, an unworthy servant who doesn’t pay tithe or attend CU services, does not have any authority to teach our campus apostles how to pray.

But you cannot also say that they are too loud. Not during these trying times when the end is fast approaching and Jesus is on his way back soon. They need to pray for people like you and me, whose sins have cost humanity its place at God’s right hand. The prophecies from the Book of Revelation have begun rearing their heads, and now more than ever, we need to raise our voices for forgiveness. God did not hear us the first time. The devil is a liar, and the Kingdom is nigh, ladies and gentlemen. Winter is coming!

Therefore these folks will talk at God when they want, and at whatever time they feel is right. How I wish they knew what a nuisance they can be sometimes; especially during midnight prayers when the rest of the school is asleep. Our brethren have this uncanny timetable which summons Holy Spirit at the most inconvenient of hours, and when the Holy Ghost descends upon them, sleep becomes impossible.

I don’t know about you, but I am not hot for anyone who asks me for favours while shouting, and since we were created in God’s likeness, then its arguable that He resents it too, right? To me, it comes off as an ultimatum, rather than a prayer. Furthermore si the Good Book says that He is omnipresent; that means He is right there next to us while praying? So why would you raise your voice at Him as if you are awakening Him from a hangover?

On the other hand, it would be unfair to castigate the men and ladies of the cloth for their high pitched prayers, when we sinners haven’t been silent either. We turn up the music on Friday nights with Caribbean hits. Most of the time during the week, we have also been known to wake up our neighbours with licentious moans. But like Adam of old said, it is not me fault- its this woman you gave me.

So for all I know it is a tit-for-tat thing that goes on. You make your girlfriend scream your name while asking her who her daddy is, and the crusaders will exact the same villainy through holy noise. Luke 6:31 makes a lot of sense at this point: do to others as you would have them do to you. Do me, I do you.

Hold up!

This back and forth thing isn’t what we really need. I think we can reach an understanding, a middle ground. A compromise that suits both the Gentiles and the chosen flock. Salvation is your own personal relationship with God, please do not make it our business too. No threesomes allowed.

If we promise to be quiet during our nocturnal rendezvous, do you promise to at least give us all a break? Even if it is not for us sinners’ sakes, do it for God’s sake- think about His eardrums.

In Jesus name I pray…can I get a witness?

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