For all of you men living in campus hostels who thought that your girlfriends know you best, please stop kidding yourself. Your girlfriend only knows the little mundane stuff which when you sum them all up, only equals to an insignificant portion of who you really are. The things you let them know, like the songs you are hot for, even if it is Fundamentoooz. But the person who really knows the person you are is your roommate. You can never hide anything from that person.
Your roommate knows the last time you bought a new pair of underwear, or whether you even wear any at all. He knows your preference, briefs or boxers. He knows the last person you speak to before you sleep, and even though your girlfriend Cathy thinks it’s her, you know for sure its Philgona. You cannot fool him however much you try, and it’s a fallacy to imagine that he doesn’t know you cloak yourself behind the scriptures when who your truly are comes out alive at Molly’s dance-floor.
That is why gentlemen, we should never allow our girlfriends to be our roommates. Why? Because every relationship needs a lie. If you do not know how to lie, you will not have a blissful marriage.
What drove the point about roommates hit me on Wednesday. I stay alone in a single room, one of the few good things that come with winning campus elections. But then it gets rather lonely sometimes and on days like Wednesday when boredom rears its head on a cold morning, I have breakfast with my boys next door- Kariuki and Matt.
Somewhere between the almost sugarless black coffee and the two mandazis, Kariuki points out a fact about his roommate Matt that sends all of us sprawling on the floor aching from mirth. He says that he has been watching Matt keenly and has noticed a very strange thing. That Matt never has morning wood ever. Apparently the true mark and definition of a man, is waking up with a hard on. According to Kariuki, Matt needs to get checked. Don’t laugh; what is funny is not Matt’s alleged erectile dysfunction, but the fact that his roommate noticed it first. I wish I had peanuts.
I am still stalled at the point where he has noticed his roommate’s erection patterns. I can bet you my next semester HELB loan that Matt’s girlfriend has not mastered how often his blood flows south, and at what points of the day. It is not gay for a roommate to notice stuff like this by the way- such mastery of your roommate’s blood flow comes with cohabitation of 6 months. It would take your girlfriend five years to notice such.
In the meantime, I shall continue to stay alone and wait for the five years for my significant other to realize what times of the day it comes up.
18 Comments
That dude is too young to lack a hardon in the morning. I am prescribing constant chewing of mukombero herb and njugu all the time. (this is best delivered with motherly concern)
Matt can you hear me? Damn it!
That dude is too young to lack a hardon in the morning. I am prescribing constant chewing of mukombero herb and njugu all the time. (this is best delivered with motherly concern)
Matt can you hear me? Damn it!
Maybe Matt actually needs a girlfriend for a roommate…it may be more effective than the herb 🙂
just saying…
He has one, Dama Baibe
reading the same article in the standard today…… who is the original?
reading the same article in the standard today…… who is the original?
same author mate…no copy-pasted shit. I contribute to the Campusrover column
hahaha! Oh lawd…i also think he needs a girlfriend as a roommate,lol
hahaha! Oh lawd…i also think he needs a girlfriend as a roommate,lol
I think its now safe to say Im one of your biggest fans! really funny!
I think its now safe to say Im one of your biggest fans! really funny!
Matt should see me kando so that i can treat him wth some Luhya delicacy… lol 😉
Matt should see me kando so that i can treat him wth some Luhya delicacy… lol 😉
Hahahahaha. Nitamwambia