By the time you will be reading this letter, you will probably be somewhere far away from home. A place so far away that no humanity can trace you; a place where the glorious inhabitants of heaven will have greeted your eternal release from earth in songs of praise and jubilation. You will be in your new home where myriads of beings, more glorious than the sun will hail at your newly found state. I believe celestial music will break into your ears in sounds ravishing even to the immortals.

I suppose the beauty and magnificence of your new home surpasses even the most brilliant idea ever formed in the minds of men. The splendor of pure gold and precious stones is nothing compared to the grandeur of Heaven. I believe you are glad. Your stupendous conduct on earth has earned you the joy and happiness that you now enjoy wherever you are, and since I cannot be without you right now, I am writing you this letter and this is what I have to say….

You remember when how we often, in the friendly hours of our conversation, talked of what we would say to our long gone heroes and heroines if we ever got an opportunity? But how confined and groveling were thoughts were at that time, and how confined were our imaginations! Well, to this I ask you to pass on these messages to my fallen champions.

Tom Mboya& RobertOuko: The causes of your deaths still remain to be unsolved mysteries. You know how our government is with such issues. It is still the same old people who run the government, and the commissions of inquiry that were set to look into your murders echoed away into silence. Justice Gicheru who headed one of the ‘CoI’ was given an honorable discharge for a job well done when he retired earlier this year. I am sorry you did not live to see the beautiful roads that Baba Jimmy has contracted the ‘Ching’ Chong’ speaking’ brothers to build. Government Road is nowadays called Moi Avenue, and KICC is no longer the tallest building in Kenya, much less East Africa.

By the way Tom, there is a whole street that was named after you, and the other day, I saw them putting up a statue of you just next to the Kenya National achives. I must say you looked rather small, but you know what they say…that big things always come in small packages. Well, university riots are still an avenue to communicate our grievances, and just like you taught us, it is never complete without chaos, stone throwing and dispatch of Fanya Fujo Uone guards. We learnt from the best.

OgingaOdinga: I must warn you to make sure Mzee Kenyatta doesn’t get wind of this because he will turn in his grave if he does. I am sure he will do a letter of application to come back if he gets to know that his son is soon to be indicted at The Hague for crimes against humanity. I must say that he did well for a son, RailaAmolloOdinga, a well grown man who has not relented on polishing your family legacy and during the next General Elections we are going to crown him President of the Republic of Kenya. We are already printing new currencies to this effect. Agwambo wuod Alego is a man of Nyadhi, and Kenyatta’s son is not half of a great man that he is. It is little wonder that his newly found rival alliance against your son will turn out to be a blackout fiasco! This is because that kid from the rift is nothing but a spoilt brat with no form of appreciation to his masters in the political arena. It is not yet uhuru until that day when Agwambo will become president.

Your Kogallo has managed to rise against all odds to become the president of The United States of America. A luopean by birth and honor! We cannot wait for that day when he will sit alongside his cousin, Raila, as presidents during the next United Nations General Meeting that will be held in the lakeside city (and Kenya’s next capital city) of Kisumu Dala. Anyone who opposes this will be served with a taste of rotten eggs, just like you asked us to do with your very own arch-rival Mzee Kenyatta. By the way, tell him to pass my greetings to GorMahia, after whom the Almighty Gor Mahia FC was named. Tell him that we are still keeping the family tradition of humiliating AFC at Nyayo Stadium. Referee akiharamia… dawa ni mawe!

WamalwapotrKijana Wamalwa: To this one my friend I allow you to shout at the top of your voice and tell him that he did a disservice to the Luhya Fraternity by leaving them in limbo, at the time when they needed him most. That kabrother of yours who goes by the name Eugine is trying to mislead them from the reality of their future, and the Abaluhya votes have become insignificant. The only legacy of yours that he has managed to keep alive is your eloquence in the English language. It is only Mudavadi who is remained loyal to your vision. Akina Kombo have disgraced your heritage, and FORD has been reduced to nothing completely. Even your very own AFC Leopards team is being relegated to the bottom of the FKL league. I surely weep for the future of your people if the status quo is maintained. PLEASE DO SOMETHING! The only good news I have for you is that Tom and Jerry are still running after each other. At least I know that will cheer you up somehow. Anyway. I guess it’s your bedtime. Go sleep before Papa God comes checking and finds you reading this letter.

Kindly say hi to all the other stars whose tinkles now shine six feet under because of their love for their country…akina Karis Maitha, Pio Gama Pinto, Lorna Laboso, and J.M Kariuki (the bravest Kikuyu Leader that ever treaded along the corridors of Parliament). Tell them that through the very hard work of Kenyans that was spearheaded by Raila Odinga’s leadership, and Baba Jimmy’s signature, we managed to promulgate a new constitution that they always dreamed of.

However, do not forget to remind them that despite that development, we are still facing a double digit inflation, hunger and strife. Tell them that some of our national heroes nowadays think that they can fly, and as a result brought more shame upon this already Godforsaken nation.

That is all. For now. I will be waiting for a reply soon.

Regards,
Magunga G. Williams

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