She sees the marks that raindrops left on the tarmac when they hit the ground, and immediately imagines how long it would take her to get home. She hates living in a big city on days like these. They make her wish she could teleport away from the protraction of city traffic; simply blink herself home.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket. She looks at the screen, her excited heart leaping, only to be suddenly deflated. It is not who she was hoping would call. It is her illicit lover, calling to find out whether they were still on for the hasty plans they made over a sext or two earlier this week.

Yes we are. It’s ok, I’ll come to you.

She rushes across the street, her hair covered in a scarf. Her umbrella pokes into her ribcage from inside her faux leather handbag. She tells herself how much she needs this. Just a couple of hours with him will do it. Neither of them can spend the night out anyway. She admonishes herself for being so shallow and encourages herself for going for all she wants. Just a fuck. Just someone to talk to. Just someone who wants to be with her. Just someone.

She recalls the first time they had hooked up, just for the sake of it. It was just for fun, for the thrill of the forbidden. She remembers how hooked she became to him. How she wanted him all the time. How she wished he would just admit that he wanted her all the time too. It would at least mean something to her. Something more than what she thought of herself; a glorified whore used only for his pleasure and dumped and forgotten until the familiar stirring in his loins came again.

They drove in odd conversation. In traffic. They spoke of it. Of the erratic weather. Of his kids and how fast they were growing. She had congratulated him. They spoke business and how hard it was to find any honest and efficient suppliers nowadays. All the while she hated herself for being in that car. For feeling so excited. For wanting to fuck him right there like they had in their rabbit stage. Meanwhile outside, it was raining.

They got to the short stay lodge that she had brought him to one drunken night. He took his wallet out and paid for their lust nest. One of the staffers walked them to it. The lady was a tad was too comfortable with him, as though they knew each other. Had he been here with someone else? He mentioned a new coat of paint on the walls. He noticed they had changed it. She thought it looked like hospital. He laughed. They walked in. Meanwhile outside, it was raining.

The first thing he did was take his shoes off, like he was home. She stood there and looked at the room. Familiarized herself. She would live here for however long he wanted her to. It was always his time they worked on.

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her from the behind. He kissed her neck and caressed her tum and her breasts through her sweater. She chuckled. He spun her around her and kissed her on the lips. She kissed him back and reveled in the feeling. Her sweater came off from above her head, effortlessly. Her bra flew across the room to the bed behind them. His shirt buttons were hard to open, her fingers trembled and she desperately tried to hide it. He pulled his shirt half unbuttoned over his head and let her take his vest off. He felt warm against her goose pimpled skin. They moved over to the bed. Meanwhile outside, it was raining.

Her jeans came off once her shoes were slipped off. Her shame fled and was replaced by wanton lust as he lay over her, his boxers jutting at his pelvis.

              I missed you, he said.

              I missed you too, she responded.

They rocked and rolled in the bed, Heaving and sighing. Moaning and grunting. Scratching and nibbling. All the while, she was thinking. What will i wear tomorrow? Will he drop me home..ha! He hasn’t since that last time we did it outside the house in his car. Where did i leave my phone. I bet I have a number of messages. He groaned and shuddered. He lay next to her. Smiling.

              It’s been a while, he said.

Meanwhile outside, it was raining.

They lay there, naked. Talking about so many things and nothing at all. They spoke of people they knew and their relationships. They spoke of how funny it was that they ended up here. She laughed and smiled yet she felt hollow and used inside. Was this all there was? Was this all they were. Before she could formulate the words to come out of her mouth, he was licking her skin and spreading her legs. He wanted to go again. He was still soft so she touched him and felt him swell in her hand. He filled her up and left her emptier than she had ever been in her life. He came quickly, and said again how it had been a while for him. She wanted to be home now. It was all that was on her mind. He thought she was so relaxed.

In her mind she was screaming. Blaming herself. She brought herself to him. She took him in. She came with him. She hated herself. Meanwhile outside, it was raining.

They took turns washing the smell of sex off themselves. Not wanting to touch each other again as if they were now in the contagious stages of a deadly disease. The thrill died that day and she knew it had. She vowed that they would never be back here.

As she looks at her phone, a text messages from an earlier expected sender puts a smile on her face. Maybe now she will let him in proper. She hopes that he isn’t waiting his turn for a quick romp at the lodge on the highway. Hope. It flickered. Outside, it is raining.

z© Vickie Xhosie

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I cannot be defined by mere word..no word is strong enough. Blogger - Msichana Mdogo

12 Comments

  1. ….relatable. When i was much younger and naive. Now i love myself so much to ever put myself in such vanity. Time heals all things. Time is the ultimate teacher.

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